As most of you know ... I'm forever looking up things and googling subjects
pertaining to chinchillas ... Well, I don't know how, but, I ran across this and almost flipped out ... until I realized it was satire ... not a true event.
Take a seat and hold on to your hats while reading this: Do keep in mind it is
not a true event, but a satire.
CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
"I Don't Know Why Your Pet Chinchilla Died."
Pettiness Won't Bring Back Your Puny Pet
EX-GIRLFRIEND'S APARTMENT--You can blame me right now if you want to, but really, it's not my fault that your pet chinchilla died. Yes, I promised that I would take care of your furry little rat-rodent while you were away at that fat camp--I mean weight-loss retreat. But honestly, did you expect me to feed that thing every week?
I don't see how I could have contributed to your chinchilla's death.
You can cry all you want, but none of that is going to bring back Fuzzy, or Fluffy, or Stir-Fry. Of course I remember his name! He was as important to me as he was to you. But really, accusing me isn't going to bring your poor excuse of a pet--I mean tender companion--back to life.
I don't know what could've happened that might have led to his demise. I gave him the best possible care and attention those two times I came over during your two month absence. It's more likely he died of old age. Chinchillas only have a lifespan of a few months, don't they?
Your chinchilla certainly wasn't a very friendly pet. It didn't get along with my rottweiler--I don't even think it made an effort to be friends. It kept running away and making those weird chirping chinchilla sounds. Oh really, you know that Killer's bark is worse than his bite--except when he bites. Maybe if your chinchilla wasn't so jittery every time another animal was in the room it would still be alive today. I bet it worried itself to death.
Yes, I followed your instructions. Hey, but how was I supposed to know that chinchillas couldn't drink beer? Was there anything on your list that said "don't feed my chinchilla beer?" No. And besides, beer is full of natural chinchilla-friendly ingredients like barley and hops. I'm sure he didn't get sick because of that. It might've been when I spun him a little too fast in his plastic mobile chinchilla ball. Oh come on! I was just teaching the little fellow about the law of centrifugal force.
I certainly kept your little friend clean. I gave him a bubblebath in the toilet, and dried him off in the microwave--and he seemed to like it, the way he was jumping around all happy and stuff. Well I needed to wash him after he fell into that bucket of paint. And I didn't really need to bathe him because the acetone had already removed most of the paint. And it gave him a nice shiny coat--well, the coat that was still left after I shaved off the matted paint clumps.
No I wasn't trying to suffocate your precious pet. That's preposterous! I just thought it was a good idea to wrap the entire cage in Saran Wrap, because that little sh-t--err, cute little guy--was tossing sawdust and chinchilla turds everywhere. I was only trying to keep your apartment clean! Hey, did you know that those things look just like raisins? They don't taste like them though...Anyhow, it's a big cage, and there had to have been plenty of air inside it. Maybe your chinchilla had some rare chinchilla lung cancer or something.
No, I wasn't jealous of your chinchilla. I loved the little furball. Think about it. If I had wanted to get rid of your little treasure, I would've given him to my dad to use in his crab traps--I mean I would've found a nice family to adopt him. I loved Stir-Fry like he was my own. And to show how much I cared about him, I'll buy you a big television to fill the huge area his frickin' cage took up.
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This is a kid-friendly site, so I will not post the URL to the site this was on ... it had a few other things on it that I would definitely not consider family oriented or kid friendly. As wild as this satire is, I have known of/heard of things that people were actually stupid enough to do, or did, or that are similar, to those that are listed here ... even with the 'attitude' the writer appears to have, I'd almost bet this is a person that has chinchillas/raises chinchillas or knows a chinchilla breeder that has heard of such ... to much actual knowledge there of what a chinchilla can not have, or should not be exposed to, is listed in the satire ... they knew quiet a bit about chinchillas or they could not have come up with so much of this. (need for regular feedings, natural air flow in the cage, frightened of other animals, especially dogs that bark loud, the fact that it is in the rodent family, the plastic mobile ball, references to the flinging of bedding and poop out of the cage ... and the no-nos on getting a chin wet ... and the part about the open can of paint and the bubble bath ...the reference to natural
chinchilla-friendly ingredients and the list didn't say it couldn't have beer ... a reminder just because we don't see it says not to do something that it is still NOT OK to do it ... makes you think hard about your next list of dos and don'ts you make out for your chin-sitter, doesn't it?
Even knowing it was satire and not the real thing ... I did have to snicker a bit when it came to the part that said: "Hey, did you know that those things (in reference to chin poop) looks just like raisins? They don't taste like them though."
Well, I just had to share this ... hope no one is offended ... remember it was on a site noted for it's satire.
Jo Ann
