Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Hoppinchins]

I'm going out to lunch with my dad on Wendsday.... On the phone he asked what he had to be prapared for. I didn't really say anything. He asked if I was in trouble and I said no... Wish me luck.

My mom said the other day that my dad mentioned that i'm always over at Dan's that i'm going to be wanted to live with him. I think He kinda knows.

My cousion's wife sugested that I tell my dad that i'm thinking of moving in with Dan and see what his reactions are and give it time to soak in. Then in a few weeks tell him that we'v decited to live together. Everyone thinks that thats a good idea. So, i think thats what i'm going to do.

[cadillactaste]

I think that's a good idea...letting the idea sink in...instead of hitting him over the head with it.  Good luck Wednesday.

[Hoppinchins]

Thanks! My dad has somethin to do for work tom, so we aren't doing lunch tom. We might do dinner later this week or lunch next week.

[Jo Ann]

   

My mom said the other day that my dad mentioned that i'm always over at Dan's that i'm going to be wanted to live with him. I think He kinda knows.

True ... but hearing it being said out loud, by "his little girl", may not be as easy to take than just thinking it, no matter how much he may expect it.  

My cousion's wife sugested that I tell my dad that i'm thinking of moving in with Dan and see what his reactions are and give it time to soak in.

That might be a good idea ... if he has to hear it from you, baby steps may be the best path.  

Now, here comes the parent in me ...  Food for thought ... just think about this ... don't answer it ...  

Living together without being married has it's perks and it's bottomless pits.

1)  It keeps the legal profession out of it ... you get the keep your money instead of giving it to an attorney    ... but   ... often the not wanting to 'go through a divorce thing' makes people willing to work a little harder to make a relationship work.  Marriage is a commitment not just to eachother, but a covenant with God.  Just being able to walk out does make it easier on  the person that wants to leave ... but, what about the person that really wants it to work?  
At first glance, the 'living together' may seem to be an easy way in, but it is also an easy way out ... or is it?  Would one or both of you constantly be on edge (way back in the back of your mind), because you know how easy it would be for you to say the heck with it and just walk out, OR would it make each of you more on edge, because you know the other one also knows it's just as easy for them to be able to do so, as it is for you?  

2)  Who's name is the lease of the apartment, utilities, phone, cable, etc. going to be in?  If it's going to be in only one name ... that person has the upper hand ... or do they ... I hope they can pay all the expenses with what they alone make, because they could have to do so ... if the other one leaves.

3)  And then, there is this "in trouble" thing.  How would your boyfriend react to "Honey, we're going to have a baby."  Would it be joy or "Get rid of it ... I'm not ready for that yet."  Accidents do happen ... the only foolproof method is abstinence ... living together does not promote abstinence.      You might want to test him on the subject ... pop out with that statement ... just to see how he would react.  Is he really who you think he is?

4)  Getting married is 'old fashion' ... true ... but ... when it is with the right one ... it's wonderful ... if it's not ... it's ... well, we won't go there.  I've experienced both.   So, how are you suppose to know if it is or not?   Is that what the 'living together' is suppose to answer?  Not really, because the commitment just is not there, don't fool yourself into thinking it is there.  As long as you both know, all you have to do is walk out the door and close it behind you ... there is no real commitment and you are "just playing house" and playing with fire.

Just my thoughts (and experiences) on the subject.    Oh, and the "I'm not ready for that." was not a boyfriend, but was my first husband, when I got pregnant after we were already married ... that's why he is a "was" ... and not an "is".      Don't think he's changed much ... he's on his 4th or 5th marriage now.  

I wish you all the luck and love life has to offer, along with the advice that you must be able to accept each other as you are, keep communications open, never take the other one for granted, and always to remember to do something special (no matter how small it is), that says "I love you" each and every day.

Love Life Counselor's Office is now closed.  

    Jo Ann

[cadillactaste]

That was great food for thought you gave Jo Ann...

[Debbie.nl.ca]

Love Life Counselor's Office is now closed.   

Just for now we hope,    what would we do with out you?

[Hoppinchins]

Thanks everyone!

I liked your food for thought Jo Ann. My boyfriend and I had already talked about some of that stuff already. I brought that stuff you mentioned to him last night. I know he wouldn't go anywere if i got pregnet.

Also we're not moving in with each other just cause we know we can walk away if things don't work out. We really want to live together. He loves it when I'm at his place befor he gets off work. He always says that its nice to come home to me and he looks forward to that when we live together.

I finnaly talked to my dad tonight. It pretty good. He doesn't know when i'm planing on moving out yet. He does know that Dan and i are serious and that we have talked about marriage. When I first mentioned that I wanted to live with dan, my dad said theres no need to hurry and that its fast. I understand that. But WHEN YOU KNOW, YOU JUST KNOW. I told him that I had planed on moving in with him to finish up his lease. He didn't mave much to say. He said that we should make an aggrement of what happeneds if we break up and about how the bills are going to be paid. He asked what would happen if i got pregent. I told him that we would get married.. kinda elope and then after the kid was born we'd have a real wedding. Dan's got good health inc at work also.

My dad wasn't mad or anything. I think he kinda knew why I wanted to have dinner with him bc he brought up my relationship with dan.


I told my b/f and my mom how dinner went. My mom's not sure if i got pregent and then married if I'd be covered under his inc. Dan said he will check into, so if it did happened we would know. Dan said that if we did have a kid befor we were married that he would like our kid to be in the wedding.

[Jo Ann]

   From my earlier post:

Now, here comes the parent in me ...  Food for thought ... just think about this ... don't answer it ... 

I see we parents think alike ... yours covered the same things I mentioned in my post ...

I know it must be a relief to have "the talk" behind you ... glad your dad was understanding ... much more than mine would have been ... but that would be ancient history now.  Moving in first and getting married later just was not allowed when I was your age.   

My mom's not sure if i got pregnant and then married if I'd be covered under his inc. Dan said he will check into, so if it did happened we would know.

 
That is a big question that needs to be looked into.  My husband and I got married in February and I got pregnant in April ... I almost lost my son on several occasions ... had he been born prematurely, we would have not been covered my my husband's insurance.   Each company works differently, so it's a good thing to look into.  Even the easiest births are expensive now ... any complications could be devastating both emotionally and monetarily.

     Jo Ann

[Hoppinchins]

That's horrible that the inc company wouldn't have covered it if you had him early. I'm glad your son was fine.

I don't know how my dad's inc is either. I'll be covered on his policy till next may. I'm hoping to have a job with benefits by then though.

Yeah, times were different then. My dad was saying he was with my mom for 3 years before they got married and they didn't live together first. My mom was 21 when she got married and my dad was 23. They were both done with school by then though. I just turned 24.

I do agree with you that parents think alike. But thats not a bad thing either. 

sorry to cut this short, I have to go to my next class.

[cadillactaste]

That is definately something to check into...For I would think if you were pregnant before you got married...it would be considered pre-existing...and not covered. You know how the insurance are...Something to think about...it sure is expensive to have children...both mine were with complications...the second pregnancy I had to specialists on top of my OBGYN.

[Hoppinchins]

Yeah, you would think insurance would want to help you out instead of make your life a headach.